Thoughts on death

My thoughts are all mixed up this morning

Universally death is an event that brings up the memories of and emotions surrounding past death. When I heard of my best friend’s pain when her beautiful kitty died at the age of 15, all I could think of was the yearning. The feeling early in the morning or when you’ve forgotten for a minute and expect to see someone around a corner or coming home. I’ve been dreaming of my father for the past week; having those same feelings, like I should be able to call home and he will pick up the phone.
My friend was very good to me when my father died. She cooked for me leaving me freezer food for my return, knowing I would not want to make food. She sent flowers and a card and was just there, not in my house (for she wanted to give me space) but in my heart. When I called my mother quite late last evening and told her about Bogart kitty, she cried as I had done, knowing, even as we are farmwomen, that this death is equal to that of a human (I never knew why some would feel otherwise), that the hole it will leave has ragged edges and will seep.
People tell you it will get better with time and the truth of it is that some of it will get better but it is not what you want to hear. They also mention other pets with time and yes, other pets help, but the truth of that is it is not something you want to hear. One cannot have another father and there will never be another Bogart.
See I told you my thoughts were mixed up… the point I think is I am sad not only for the death but for my friend and I want to hug her and be with her and tell her how much I love her and how much appreciation I have for Bogart, for the life he had and how I know he was a completely blissful cat and gave his entire life to her because it was her who gave him his life. And also that he was so much his own cat and as much a physical and emotional being as any human is. His spark, his being, lives on all around us, in the air, in memory and forms whole whenever he is needed. That is how it is with my father, if I need him, he is there. Perhaps his physical self will not be rounding the next corner or ever again be on the other end of the phone, but I know that he is with me.
May your body rest in peace Bogart now that your spirit is free.