A bit of randomness for your Sunday Morning

I had a meltdown yesterday, one of those spectacular crying episodes that come out of nowhere. The kind where you start off crying about something little, silly even, and then all of a sudden it becomes a waterfall and those things you cried about months ago seem to have happened yesterday and need fresh tissues and a space to be heard. I am sure it was brought on by all sorts of things and the fact that I could not control it was somewhat scary at the time but given a few hours of perspective (and some cold pizza – ahh self-medication) it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal now. The big deal comes now.
What do I do from here? Essentially everything is finished yet I still feel somewhat in limbo. Work has finally calmed down (though I say that and will probably need to knock on wood to avoid another upheaval – Ok done.). The divorce is really and truly final and I can now say, for good or ill, I have been twice divorced. Though the second one was executed like a back alley kidney robbing in Thailand. I lived but it still hurts like hell and the lingering infection weakens me, but it is done and I can never go back. Someone else has my kidney now and I paid for it. I have no children. I have no family here (though my self-made family of friends is very comforting and I am so glad to know people so kind and selfless).
I suppose it is a quiet Sunday morning of questions. The sun is bright the air is cold my winter pajamas are more then warm and comfy and I look forward to a day in the West with friends who are fun and funny and have great hair ;-)
I need to make some tea and get over myself. Do some reading and writing. Quit cleaning to take my mind off things (yes I live in a very neat apartment, I have a cleaning problem – when I am agitated I clean. You should have me over sometime; I am really good at it).
Things to state for the record before I go for tea:
1. Walter is a very wise man and no one in my life has ever listened so hard to me and figured me out so well – thank you to whomever it was that brought him here
2. I miss my family terribly and wish like hell I was closer to them, but I know I will probably never live in North Dakota again. Which is really sad because part of me wants to very much but it is not financially possible. Everyone should experience the open like one can experience it in North Dakota. It makes you breath differently.
3. The Man From Snowy River is my favorite movie; I don’t have a favorite book because I can’t choose.
4. I have lived here since 1992 and have more close friends then I’ve ever had. They make being here bearable.
5. I miss Goddard and my friends from there. They are scattered and busy and I wish we could all live in a commune together because they are magic for my mind and for my heart
6. CBS Sunday morning is my favorite show. The Robot once described it as morning news for the geriatric, but I still like it and always will. I’ve been watching it since it went on the air 26 years ago. Same for This Old House. It reminds me of my dad and I won’t miss an episode.
7. I love tea and toast in the morning because of my life-changing trip to London with friends I have now known for 12 years. I think of them every single Sunday morning when I have tea and toast.
8. I am homesick for places I have never been