Edrie

Took a few days off to have some fun and get my head straight. No red mustang for me though.

now back to reality - still no septic - still have to sell the house - still need one more piece of paper signed - still need to wait for the court - WAY behind at work. I have to stay at the house until I get the court papers and that could be 4 weeks. I have a check coming to pay for all of this and all I can think of is... HOW am I going to pay off that check

Please PLEASE let the house sell SOON and for a good amount of MONEY - I CAN'T shoulder this debt and have a 500 school loan payment too. If I had known all of this would happen, I probably would not have gone to grad school.

Why are things still so scary. I was always my own person, but now I feel different. Like I am not me. I am not confident, I worry all of the time. I have a really hard time getting out of bed. I am sleeping more then I ever have - and there is so much to do.

I am glad he reconnected with his family - I told him over and over again to do it, and he finally did. Maybe he'll reconnect with the rest of life too. Maybe Mary will finally thank me for going thourgh all of that trash to save those most important pieces of her life. Is that too much to ask, a heartfelt thank you? I have gotten NOTHING from her - and she took EVERYTHING from me.

it seems it is everthing I did not need though. But still when I think of it, I feel ill, I sleep, I wake crying

Thank god for the one good thing I have, it keeps me going.