Domestic Details

I washed clothes today – normally not something one would write about, but laying here reading a story about travel in a vacation home thousands of miles from my own, wearing the shirt I washed to bed… all I can think of is home. Not only my new home, the home full of love and hope and promise, but my first home, my family home, my mother.

I was wondering why I was thinking about her when I realized it was the fabric softener. I don’t use it when I wash normally, but here, they have it, Snuggle. The smell of it reminds me of the farm, of Saturdays when I would do the wash. I usually put too much in (just as I did today) but the smell, like rain or flowers, is worth that little bit extra.

I wish I could live close to my family and my friends, but they are all scattered. I wish I could have a job where I could have several places that I lived – or maybe one place but the leisure enough to travel to those other places and be completely free. I miss my family terribly. They don’t really know the person I turned out to be and it makes me sad to think of that. I doubt I could live in the state where I grew up. Though maybe I could, maybe if I could manage to keep mostly to myself, my ideas anyway – too liberal. I would likely offend people, get in trouble and unfortunately I am not quite brave enough not to care. I know some people who can live that way and I admire them, but I have not yet grown to that point.

I wonder what my old classmates would think of me now, of what I do and how I am. I don’t know any of them anymore. I’ve lost track of my best friend, the one who got me through much of high school and ended up so different from myself. We used to say we would be Kate and Alley – perhaps we still will be. It will be me without the kid though.

Washing clothes is essentially a domestic task, but the domestic details of daily life are what keep us grounded. I quite enjoy cleaning and doing laundry – one of those few tasks you can start and complete and know you have accomplished something. Admittedly, it does get to be a chore, something you have to do even when you don’t feel like it, but on days like today when the simple scent of fabric softener can bring you memories of a happy time long past – it seems well worth it.