Dreaming of Spain

Spain seems like a long way away from here – but with this beach and this body of water – I can almost imagine myself being there again. Barcelona was life changing. I think, perhaps for the very first time, I actually got that feeling of happy relaxation when I visited there. It was a rainy Sunday morning. In Spain, Sunday is family day. Most everything is closed except the church and we had four within walking distance of us. Four HUGE catholic cathedrals replete with robed men to lead you into a holy state. I had wanted to go to one of these services. Dip my fingers in the cool stone basin, dribble the water on my head, kneel and genuflect, but my traveling partner (who had been my partner as well) was not so much into that anymore. Memory of his past kept him from being excited by actually going to a service. Instead, he lay in bed through the morning, sleeping on an off, slightly feverish. I bathed. One of my favorite things to do is to light a few candles and draw a seeringly hot bath and read while submerged in the water. The bathtub we had in the room was square and deep and perfect. I have not found the like again. The cloud filled sky gave way to a steady and pattering rain against the brick and stone outside of our room. The quiet of his sleep leant itself to the quiet of my bath.

Submerged up to the chin in sweet smelling water I read of a time in Spain when Federico ruled and women who had visions were shunned at best, killed at worst. I had waking dreams of living there, perusing books stores, writing in a turret on top of a grand old building, eating chocolate con Churros everyday. It was then that the feeling happened. Slowly, starting from just under my breastbone and spreading out until even the tips of my fingers and toes were tingling with relaxation and possibility.

I feel that here even though I have no desire to move here like I had to move to Spain. It is a combination of the quiet, the water and the company. Being totally free to express yourself however you may choose. No schedule, no worries, do what you want when you want if you want.

Right now I am on the deck, early grey in hand (thank you David) and watching the ducks play in the glass calm water. I almost wish for rain to complete the mood, but instead a brilliant sun in promising to top the buildings and rule the day. I resolve to go back to Spain, to find that feeling again there and in all of the other place I am. Even in my real life, the daily life of a person chained to reality as we all are. Find that spot in myself that is in total peace and quiet and wonder at the world.