Edrie

i woke up with my hands not working again today

It made me think - did he leave me becasue someday he would have had to take care of me

he knew this could degenerate. he know about everything - and still he left.

I've always wanted someone I could count on, someone to take care of me. I saw him as that person, but it is obvious now he never wanted to be.

We went to see Eve Ensler's The Good Body - it wasn't as good as the vagina monologoues

The part that bothered me was when she talked about how her lover LOVED her belly, but she hated it. That was the same for Steve and I - it's funny that other people have that too.

But it is weird because I loved all of him unconditionally (even if I hated parts of myself) - every bit of it, from when he was small to when he gained weight. His body always turned me on. His way of being was always sexy

I have to find someone someday that feels that way about me

I know he did. Even when I weighed 220 he loved me. I wonder, does he love me less at 145 - course he hasn't seen me at 145 - only at 162 (which is what I was that sunday)

This is my last night in the hotel, then one night at home with sis then....

then.... indeed